I am Unknowing

I am Unknowing.

I am so unknowing. I have very little knowledge in the grand scheme of things. Do I have knowledge compared to my peers? I don't think so. I'm smart. But my knowledge is limited. What maters more? Do I have more philosophical knowledge? Maybe I have the knowledge of maturity? Do I need that?

I'm not so sure what I need.

I need to learn. I need to be liked. I need to have my friends back. I need to find a girl who I desire. Who I desire, and who desires me. I need to be unbroken. Fixed? I need to be fixed. Less tattered and torn. I would like that. Is being tattered and torn a blessing? Is tattered and torn another word for maturity? Is tattered and torn another word for being educated? For not being naive? What is the opposite of naive? Am i more learned, and experienced because I have been broken, built up again, and then torn, tattered? Does hurt teach you what it is to live?

Does being hurt teach you what it is to live?

Does being hurt teach you what you need to survive? Is survival the goal?

Sometimes when I write I go purely off of instinct, purely off of association writing. I just write.

I go. I space when I choose, and I skip lines as I please, I ask questions. I have always asked questions of myself, and of you. You are no one. You are no one because no one reads this. I could allow others to read this but I would be viewed differently.

I would be seen as someone else. I may be viewed as crazy because in these blogs I say everything in my life, everything on my mind. With other people, I act. I am an actor.

I am an actor. I am who people want me to be. That's my nature. That's my insecurity.

I am a Pisces. Pisces are adaptive by nature. I adapt. Not well, but I do it. I spend hours of my day on facebook. I should get rid of it. But it is my only way that I keep in touch with friends.

It is my only validation. It is my eros. My eroticism. I need to feel like I have friends. I know that facebook does not mimick reality. or does it? Maybe it does. The friends who respond to my comments, my statusi, they care. Do they? They consider caring about me. They think about me. They see what I say and care enough to make a comment back. Do I need facebook? No.

I want it.